


Broken Beauty

by peachymomo



Series: Stray Kids Angst [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, Multi, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, and han jisung, at all, because it'll spoil a lot, even though they are older, i really love stray kids, i'll add more tag related to the story later, it not happy, its pretty bad, jisung is such a baby, please protect and love him, stray kids are my kids, you'll hate me once this finishes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 09:40:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16513889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachymomo/pseuds/peachymomo
Summary: The prettiest things seem to always break. They are fragile. They either last for centuries or for a few years, but they will eventually shatter.orHan Jisung is beautiful and he is slowly breaking.





	Broken Beauty

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea for almost a year and I'm finally working on it!! I hope you guys like this as I'm very excited to see how this will do. It's not as long as I wanted it to be, but that's fine

Having days off wasn’t very often for the boys, especially so close to a comeback, so when their manager told them they would have the morning off the nearly cried. The only thing on their schedule was dance practice later in the afternoon. All of the boys made sure to turn off their alarms to sleep in. All except one, who forgot about about the morning off. The silent room was no longer silent when the clock reached 6 AM. An annoying beeping sound filled the room, the noise increasing as the seconds passed. Groaning the owner of the phone grabs it mumbling a sorry. He slides the button to the office section, but it doesn't shut off right away, which results in one of his roommates throwing a pillow at him. “Sorry! Sorry!” He tells them once the alarm shuts off. 

 

The room becomes silent once again, which is surprising since Hyunjin usually snores even if it only a little bit. Burying his face into his pillow Jisung tries to force himself to fall back asleep. With it not working he turns to the side facing Seungmin's bed. Shutting his eyes close he lays there. With that not working as well he groans a bit turning to lay on his back. “Jisung please shut up.” He hears Seungmin say. Sighing he throws his legs over his bed. “I'm gonna gonna go to the living room. I can't fall back to sleep.” Seungmin hums to let Jisung know that he hears him. Grabbing his phone, which he is kinda mad at for waking him up even though it's his fault, he heads to the living room. He closes the door quietly trying to not wake up any of his other members. 

 

Plopping down on the couch he grabs the TV remote. ‘ _ News? No too...well political. Cartoons? Umm no probably not. I don't even know what this is.’ _ Not finding anything that catches his attention Jisung decides to go on his phone. Scrolling through Twitter and Instagram he looks at things his fans have made. Laughing at some, rolling his eyes at others, and just smiling at some he begins going through accounts. First was a meme account on Instagram. Then he moved to Twitter. ‘ _ They should be professionals. That's really good. _ ’ It was a fansite for himself. The photos were absolutely stunning. He decided to read all the comments on the current photo he was looking at. The top comment has 1.5k retweets and 2.7k likes. It was in another language, one of which he did not speak. There was a lot of responses to the comments as well. 

 

_ ‘This is horrible delete this comment’ _

 

_ ‘Guys please report this account’ _

 

_ ‘Report? Why?’  _ Frowning a bit he clicks on the account.  _ PettyJisung.  _ He was expecting it to be another fan account hating on the previous one, but he was proven wrong when he saw the various amount of hate tweets. Most of them were directed at him, but there was a few talking about the others as well. Frowning he scrolls through the account. There was a few tweets in koran. They talked about how Minho should have stayed eliminated, how Hyunjin was nothing more than a pretty face, how Woojin was an ugly person, saying that Jeongin and Seungmin couldn't sing. There was a few retweets as well, but those weren't that bad. Most of the tweets were directed at Jisung and his weight. They talked about how his, what he thought were cute, chubby cheeks were ugly. How out of all the members Jisung was the fattest in the group. How even though he was a shorter member he probably weighed more than the taller ones. Frowning Jisung pinched his cheek. He never thought much about it. Apparently though the fans saw him as the fattest member of the group.  _ ‘No stop that Jisung. This isn't a fan. It's just someone who hates you guys. Ignore them.’  _ He tried to not think negatively about himself. Seeing the amounts of like and retweets on some of the tweets had made Jisung feel upset. He looked through to see who had retweeted on one of them and saw a lot of fan accounts.  _ ‘So it is our fans as well. No stop that Jisung you're being stupid.’  _

 

“You okay there Jisung?” Looking up Jisung sees a still half asleep Felix standing in the hall. Forcing a smile on his face head nods. “Ya just a little tired. Why are you awake?” Jisung decides to try and push the topic away from his feelings before he tells Felix about the account. “Had to pee.” Shrugging Felix plops next to Jisung on the couch. “What were you doing before I came out here?” Looking down at his phone Jisung see the account. He closes the app and locks his phone tossing it to the side. “Nothing much just going through Instagram. You know some Stays are waiting for you to post.” Poking that slightly younger boy Jisung begins smiling. Pouting a bit Felix hits Jisung's hand away. “Well I'll make them keep waiting.” Sticking his tongue out Felix gets up from the couch. “I'm hungry do you want to make something?” Jisung hadn't realize how hungry he was until Felix brought it up. Nodding a bit he gets up as well. “What should we make?” Thinking a bit Felix bites his lips, something he does when he's deep in thought. “Pan...cakes?” Laughing at his response Jisung nods walking to the kitchen. “Alright but you gotta wash all the dishes.” “What that's not fair!!”

 

**✎**

 

The rest of the members wake up to the smell of freshly made pancakes, and burning bacon but they'll ignore that. “Felix how could you forget the bacon!!” “You were the one cooking it!!!” Chan raises and eyebrow at the two September boys who were standing in front of the stove, which had a pan on it. The smell of smoke was heavy in the room. “You're lucky the smoke detector didn't wake up the others!” Clearing his throat Chan gets the attention of the two boys. Both look at him with wide eyes and mouths dropped open. “What are you two doing?” Both boy looked at each other and then back at Chan. Grabbing a plate full of pancakes Felix lifts it up. “Surprise?” It came out as a question. They both look scared, as if Chan is gonna yell at them or hit them. “You guys made this?” Nodding both the boys looked at the ground.  A smile appears on Chan's face as he walks over to the table. “The rest are in the living room. Go get them and tell them you guys finished cooking.” Both boys look at each other before they both run out yelling about how they'll tell everyone before the other one can. “And their eighteen?” No one could deny that they were energetic and childish. It was pure. Most of the time they acted so carefree, as if they have never seen any bad in the world, which everyone knew was a lie. Both of the boys, no matter how joyful they were, went through some type of hardship throughout those eighteen years. Everyone in the group knew that if it happens again they'll have eight other people to help support them through it. Smiling Chan sets the food on the table. “Wow look at least some bacon made it out. Hyungs I thought you burned it all.” Jisung sticks his tongue out at the maknae, while Felix just pouts. “The disrespect.” Putting his hand over his heart Jisung acts like it was breaking. It caused a few members to chuckle, and it caused other to smile but also roll their eyes. Everyone starts grabbing food once Chan takes his seat. They either grab one of two pancakes, Jisung grabbing two. Chatter fills the room. Hyunjin tells the others how Jisung woke them up because he forgot to turn off his alarm. Jeongin talks about something that happened at school. Jisung doesn't speak much. He focus on eating his meal. When he's around half way done a thought popped in his mind. 

 

_ ‘ _ _ It kinda disgusting. You know Jisung's weight. Am I the only one who thinks this?  _ _ 2.5k retweets. 1.2k likes. Other agreed with them. It wasn't only them.’ _

 

“Jisung!” A loud yell snapped him out of his thoughts. Looking up he sees Changbin looking at him with a worried look on his face. “You okay?” Jisung feels his breath hitch. He wasn't okay, but he didn't wanna tell them. _‘These thoughts will pass.’_ He thinks. _‘Just give it time. You'll be fine.’_ Forcing a smile in his face for the second time that morning he answers with, “Ya I'm fine. Just tired. Like Hyunjin said I was stupid and forgot to turn off my alarm.” Spitting out a laugh he takes a bite of the pancakes. The once sweet and delicious breakfast now felt sour in his mouth.

 

**✎**

 

Jisung didn't think about the account until weeks later. With the comeback he didn't have time to. It was a day before the Unveil, and they decided to make a Vlive after practice. The Vlive was going great. They talked about random things. Minho said “Yeet” which caused Hyunjin to look at him weirdly. Jisung thinks that if the camera was off Hyunjin would have hit Minho. While the others were talking Jisung decides to read through the comments silently. Most were just saying hello from whatever country the person was from. Others said the members name with emojis after them. One specific comment caught Jisung's attention though. ‘ Is Jisung gaining weight? So close to a come back?’ Jisung feels his throat tighten as if he was gonna cry.  _ No.  _ Jisung was  _ not _ gaining weight. He was dieting just like everyone else, and he knew that. He knew that he was losing weight. He knew that if anything it possible he was actually at a healthy weight. Yet the comment still stung. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Seungmin looking at him. He tries to ignore it though. When he sees everyone laughing he joins in not wanting to stick out.

 

They continued the Vlive for a little while longer. Once it ended everyone started getting ready to head back to the dorms. As Jisung packs his bag he feels someone tap on his shoulder. Turning around he notices Seungmin standing there a frown placed upon his face. “What's wrong Seungmin.” Jisung frowns as well worried for his friend. Sighing Seungmin shakes his head. “Are  _ you _ okay? I…” he stops signing once again, “I saw the comment.” With that being said Jisung knew exactly what comment he was talking about. Placing a smile on his face Jisung laughs a little. “Ya! Don't worry it's just people being people. I didn't take it to heart.” 

 

_ ‘Stop lying. It hurts. You know it does.’ _

 

Biting the inside of his cheek he is able to taste blood. “You sure?” Nodding Jisung smiles. “Positive! Come on let's go.” He grabs Seungmin's hand despite the youngers protests.

 

**✎**

 

He's not sure why he's back on the account, but he's curious. It was a few hours before the Unveil. He decided to stalk their fans again, and he ended up back at the account. There was more tweets about him. He read every single word. Every single comment. He saw all the staysthat liked this person tweet, and every person who agreed so much that they retweeted. Tweets saying if he was thinner he would be better. That he good, but not good enough until he gets to what they wanted. “Jisung.” Looking up from his phone he sees Woojin looking at him. “Come on put the phone down we gotta get set up.” Nodding Jisung looks at the tweet one last time.

 

_ ‘ _ _ People keep messaging me telling me that Jisung is great and hard working and other bullshit. He's not good enough till I say so’ _

_ 7.8k retweets              6.4k likes _

 

Sighing he locks his phone and follows Woojin. Noticing the boys upset look he throws an arm around him. “You okay Sung?” Smiling at his Hyung he nods. “Just nervous for some reason. Nothing to worry about.” Woojin hums, but leaves his arm around the younger boy. 

 

**✎**

 

The unveil was exhausting. Physically and Emotionally. In the van on the way home Jisung lays his head against the window. Some of the members are talking, but it's very quietly. He feels someone poke his side. Humming in response he hears Felix whisper to him, “Are you okay?” Jisung wasn't sure as to why he was asking. Was it because of what happened at the unveil? Did Seungmin tell him about the comment on the vlive? Did Jisung look upset?  He nods a yes to Felix's question. “I'm fine Lix don't worry.” Giving him a small smile Jisung begins to feel bad. In the past two days he was asked if he was okay four times by three different people. It doesn't seem like much nor does it seem like a big deal, but it is to him. He  _ is _ in fact upset. Though the feeling only last a little bit before he forgets about whatever stupid comment made him upset. Once the feeling disappears and he forgets about it he's fine until he sees a new one which ruins his mood.  His phone is in his pocket. He has an urge to grab it and check the account. PettyJisung. The account causing him to feel this unpleasant feeling. He knows once he checks the account his mood will worsen, but there's a nagging voice in the back of his head telling him to check. He wants to know what they thought. He  _ needs _ to know what they thought.  _ ‘Stop it doesn't matter what they thought’  _ Frowning Jisung looks out the window. He didn't know why the approval of this person was so important to him. He knows their opinion is nothing. Just meaningless words that they are throwing out there. Maybe it was important because it wasn't only one person, but multiple people who thought that way. 

 

The van pulls up to their dorm a few minutes later. Grabbing their stuff they exit the van. Felix is leaning against Changbin with his eyes half open, while Jeongin is falling a standing up. “Come on Innie you can't sleep standing up.” Minho says throwing an arm around the youngest pushing him forward a little to start walking. The youngest whines a little but begins walking forward. Jisung smiles at the sight of his two members being soft. With Chan unlocking the door he throws it open. “God I'm so tired.” Minho says with his arm still thrown around a sleepy Jeongin. Woojin laughs as he slips his shoes off. “Well get as much sleep as you can because once the video releases we'll have all those performances.” A loud groan can be heard from behind him. It was Felix who was currently laying face down on the couch. “Don't remind me about thoses.” 

 

“Guys come on. Take your showers and go rest. We'll be busy for the next few weeks.” “Dibs on the shower first!” Jeongin shouts suddenly full of energy. “Dibs on the second bathroom!” Seungmin shouts as well running after the maknae. With the two youngest in the bathroom the rest of the members head either to their room or stay in the living. Collapsing on his bed Jisung buries his head into his pillow. 

 

**✎**

 

Jisung isn't sure when he fell asleep, but he is awaken by Seungmin. “Everyone is done in the shower. You should take on too.” Humming a bit Jisung nods, but just closes his eyes again. Laughing at the older one Seungmin pulls the blanket off. Whining Jisung curls up. “Come on get up you stink.” Looking at the other one Jisung glares at him. “Shut up you stink.” Stretching as he sits up he throws be legs over his bed. “I already showered, so no I don't.” Grabbing a sweater and some sweatpants he heads to the bathroom. Flicking the lights on in the bathroom he steps in. He makes sure the water is cold so he doesn’t fall asleep standing up naked in the shower. 

 

His shower doesn’t last long probably five minutes at most. Finally cleaning Jisung is no longer that tired. The lights are off in the living room and kitchen. Most of the bedroom doors are close, but Jisung knows that that doesn’t mean the members are sleeping. Heading towards the living room Jisung throws himself down on the loveseat placed in the the room. Leaning forward he grabs the remote from the coffee table. The TV brightens the room. It screens shows some random drama playing. Letting it play in the background Jisung pulls his phone out, and heads to Twitter. There’s a lot of tweets talking about the unveil. He looks through all the tweets, but there is on specific account’s tweets he would like to see. He doesn’t realize that he’s click onto the account till he’s staring at it most recent tweet. It’s not about any of his members nor is it about him. It’s simply just a retweet about an announcement for some new show.  He's disappointed for some reason. Shaking his head he backs out of the account and back onto the home page of twitter. 

 

“Jisung?” Looking at that hall he sees Chan standing there. Smiling he waves at the leader before turning his eyes to stare at the TV. The leader sits next to him staying silent for a while. He only begins speaking when a commercial comes on. “What happened? Felix, Woojin, and Seungmin all told me you were feeling down. Do you wanna talk about it?” Jisung doesn’t turn to look at him. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.” Jisung refuses to look at the leader. He fears that if he does he’ll break down. “Jisung you know you can talk to us right? Was it the comment you saw? Seungmin told me about it. It’s just one person. You don’t need to worry about it.” He pulls Jisung into a side hug. He knew better jutthough. He knew it wasn’t just one person who thought like this but thousands of people. “Seriously hyung I’m fine.” He feels Chan sigh in defeat but does not release Jisung from his hold. 

 

**✎**

 

Dance rehearsal just ended. They all got parised, yet Jisung felt that he didn’t deserve it. Out of all the members he kept making the most mistake. It’s not unusual for a member to have an off day, but for some reason it makes Jisung upset. It's not the first time that he's had an off day, but to him this one just feels different. The members are packing up getting ready to leave. “Hey guys I think I'm gonna stay for a bit.” Chan looks at him weirdly but nods. “Don't stay to late though. Try to be back before eleven.” Jisung nods watching them leave the room. Once the door closes Jisung begins playing the song. 

 

**✎**

 

Jisung didn’t realize how late it got until he decided he could finally take a break. The numbers on his phone read  _ 11:45 _ .  _ ‘Shit.’ _ Jisung knows once he gets back he'll get an earful from Chan. Grabbing his bag he heads out of the practice room. Opening up his messages app he begins typing a message to Chan. 

 

_ To Aussie #1 _

_ I'm on my way back to the dorms _

 

_ From Aussie #1 _

_ Do you need me to call a manager? _

 

_ To Aussie #1  _

_ No I'll walk _

 

Placing his phone in his back pocket he feels it vibrate. It's probably Chan telling him not to walk, but he knows he won't listen. Walking the down halls he can barely see. His head is down and he is watching his feet as he walks. There is dim lights illuminating the small halls. He didn't know someone was right in front of him until they collided. No one falls thankfully, but he can hear the person whisper a small ow. “Hey you okay?” He looks at the person in front of him. She's short and thin. Her skin is fair and her hair is dark brown with the tips dyed blonde. It's tied up giving him a better few of her face. Her face is thin just like the rest of her. Her mouth is open a bit and her eyes are wide. “Oh umm...yes I'm fine sunbaenim.” She's looks down and plays with the sleeves of her sweater. He can see she was sweating, sweat still clear on her face and clothes. “What are you doing here so late?” He frowns his brows at the girl. “Oh I was just practicing. It's late though so I'm heading home. Goodnight sunbaenim.” She bows slightly before walking away from Jisung. He watches her walk away before he decides to leave. 

 

**✎**

 

Jisung didn't see much of the girl until weeks later. He was staying late once again to work on perfecting the choreography. It wasn’t as late as last time, but he really didn’t wanna get chewed out by Chan again. Unlike last time he had a timer set for 11:30, but even then he still isn’t satisfied with his progress. Turning the music off he looks at himself in the mirror. His blonde hair is sticking to his forehead and clothes drenched in sweat. Turning off the light he heads down the hall. Walking down the hall he hears music coming from another practice room. It's cracked and the light shines through it. Peeking through it he sees the same girl from weeks ago. She's breathing heavily and is drenched in sweat. The mirrors in room are all foggy, and the room is hot. Jisung stands there watching her until she stumbles and almost falls. That's when Jisung enters the room. “Hey are you okay?” She's still breathing heavily as she nods. It's obvious that she wasn't okay. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Jisung frowns and shakes his head. “No. You should leave. Come on I'll help you get your stuff.” She shakes her head and walks over to where her bag and water are set. She opens her mouth to say no, but before she is able to get any words out Jisung begins speaking. “I won't take no for an answer. Members from my own group have overworked themselves and it's not a pretty sight. You friends will worry.” She sighs throwing her bag over her shoulder. “Fine.” Annoyance is clear in her voice. Walking out of the room she doesn't even glance in Jisung's direction. “Wait. If you don't mind me asking. What's your name?” 

 

“Jihye.” Then the girl left from his sight

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna talk to me or have question you can find me on tumblr @flirtymomo   
> I'm not sure if I wanna have any relationships, but things may change if anyone has any ideas for any ships. This is unedited because I'm lazy


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